Vince Poscente's Speed Blog

Leave Button Pressing to the Pros

The quickest way to agitate someone is to press his buttons. It’s hard to tell if a sibling, spouse or roommate does it to hurt, out of habit or for the pure sport of it all. I can say for sure, when someone near me (hypothetically speaking, let’s say my wife) presses my buttons, I get worked up. (Followed by a retreat where I fantasize about all the comebacks I should have said. For example: “I know you are. So what am I?” or “Oh ya, Miss Poopy Pants” or the ‘lpblpbslpbslpbslpbs’ raspberry accompanied by the international sign for donkey ears. 

In the great game of hockey, the term for the button pressers is “the Agitator.” Hockey (did I mention it’s a great game?) has role players: Goal Scorers, Enforcers, Grinders and Agitators. Each role helps the team win. Rough up a Goal Scorer and the Enforcer will pull your jersey over your head then relocate your nose with his fist. Grinders get the puck to the Goal Scorers. Agitators focus their attention on buttons - buttons on the opposing players – especially Gold Scorers.

 
Some Agitators take their role seriously. They want to get under your skin. Kenny Linesman from Boston then the Oilers’ glory days in the ‘70s and 80s was nicknamed The Rat. Claude Lemieux, who just retired, was nicknamed Pepe, as in Pepe LePew. One of the foremost agitators in the NHL today is Dallas’ Steve Ott (nicknamed Otter). Media have anointed Ott with a slogan, “Simply the Pest.

Ott realized early in his career a sharp tongue can rile up another team. In preparation for the 2001 World Juniors he learned insults in several languages. "I got in a little scrap with a Russian kid and he was just yelling in Russian, and I had no clue what he was saying, and he had no clue what I was saying," Ott said. "So I asked around, talked to some friends and found out a few things to say in other languages."

Today, Ott specializes in Finnish phrases. Recently he wanted to learn, "I'm going to come at you like a spider monkey," from the movie Talladega Nights. Now, if I said that to you, “Aion tulla milloin haluat hämähäkki apina,” you’d likely think I had a Cheeto stuck in my throat. But if you’re Finnish I might sufficiently take you off your game.

The bottom line is this. If you get paid to press buttons, then be the best gosh-darn Agitator you can be. Prepare with the verve of Steve Ott and you will instantly help your team.

Conversely, if you instinctively button-press, a talent perfected by some (like this friend of mine’s wife has where it really, really annoys him – which makes my friend mention it in passive aggressive ways), then hopefully you’d rethink your motivation. Otherwise you could end up hearing the comeback, “Aion tulla milloin haluat hämähäkki apina - lpblpbslpbslpbslpbs!”

Better Decision Making

We tend to go through life assuming we will make good decisions in our future. Yet, the quality decisions you make in the future will likely be similar to the quality of decisions you've made in the past. List the defining moments from your past and you will see the "decision making habits" you have formed over the years. Recognizing these habits allows you to choose the quality of decisions you will make in the future. Here is a Keynote Quickie from Vince Poscente's Down to BUSINESS, Up to SPEED http://www.vinceposcente.com

Whack a Mole Parenting

Parenting feels like a game of Whack a Mole but you’re in a sleep-deprived, warped dimension where you are the Mole and the Whacker at the same time.

One requirement on the Parenting Curriculum Vitae is disciplining. As you try to administer punishment you never know if you’re flailing or failing. We discipline to teach the concept of consequence. How can you expect your child to be ready to leave home after 18 years if the kid doesn’t understand the concept of cause and effect? So we play Whack a Mole with best-guess parenting.

Last year, teachers informed us our son was out of line and rightfully looked at us to solve “the problem.” So we took away Max’s band for six weeks. He had gigs and practices. Our intention: teach him the concept of consequence. You step out of line you get punished. The problem was we beat him down more than the teachers were already doing five days a week. Max was miserable.

Amidst our Whack A Mole parenting we sought the advice from Candace Fitzpatrick, President of Core Clarity. Candace knows a lot about helping children and teachers maximize the strengths of students for measurable benefits in the classroom. When we shared our strategy with her, we expected the same response we got from all parents we told. (Parents do this when they get together. They talk about their kids to the point of hives, uncontrollable twitching and medical attention.) The universal response was always, “Good for you. It’s hard to punish your kid but you have to do it. I bet he sure learned his lesson.”

Yet Candace said immediately, “That was a mistake. What you did was take away something that gave him joy and energy. This creates less enthusiasm and more problems.” She was right. Our punishment didn’t solve anything. It wasn’t until months later we discovered Max had dyslexia and was acting-out from frustration. This year we moved him to a school for children with learning differences.

The joy and enthusiasm is back. But he’s still a kid with lapses in good judgment. Recently we found out he was signing my name on homework sheets instead of proper authorization. Meanwhile his marks were suffering and Max was just getting by. We needed to punish him but Candace’s advice was not lost on us.

This time the six-week punishment involved two things. In his room by 8:30 pm. (Max loves to stay up late.) And his cell phone charges in the mudroom. (Eliminating interruptions or texting distractions at night.)

The net effect? Max gets more sleep. His “punishment” is over but his marks have gone up and his level of joy and enthusiasm is even higher. We asked Max if he thought continuing the curfew was a good idea and he did.

So in the world of good parenting I guess we can “whack a mole” every once in a while.